Well, my u/s didn't go very well, again. For those of you not following my every move, which I would imagine is most of you, we have been TTC for 2 years and did an IUI a couple of months ago with no success (to the tune of $700). Last month when I went for my CD10 u/s the girl couldn't find either ovary so we didn't go forward last month. the first month we did IUI the tech was only able to find one, and she had to go over the top of my abdomen and do a lot of pushing and looking around to find it, and she wasn't even sure that was it. Same thing today, the tech thought she saw the R one intra-vaginally but couldn't find the other one by going over the top of my abdomen.

During the surgery, which was 15 years ago, the surgeon told me he planned to pull the ovaries forward and take a stitch to hold them to the front of the abdominal wall so that (supposedly) they wouldn't get bound up in scar tissue that forms after the surgery. After awhile, the suture is supposed to dissolve and they float back slightly to their normal position. Well, it looks to me like either the suture never dissolved or there's so much scar tissue that they can't float back. I think this is why we've had no success TTC and no success with IUI, and we probably won't. DH's swimmies are fine, I am producing eggs fine, my tubes are clear and I have no problems with my tubes or uterus, but I don't think the egg is getting into the tubes. And I don't think my R ovary is working at all as every time they are able to see a follicle, it's only on the L side.

The nurse "wasn't sure" but thinks we may trigger tomorrow, she wants to show the doc the u/s to see what he thinks and is going to call me this afternoon. I plan to ask her quite frankly to please let me know if the doctor thinks there's really no chance of this working so I can save the rest of my $700 and not go forward with the procedure. Assuming everything is a go, I will trigger tomorrow night and we will do the IUI early Monday morning. Unfortunately, it's looking to me like this is probably not going to work and even if we do go through with it, I basically have zero hope of it working.

I am so frustrated and angry and upset. I really had no choice but to have the surgery but it's really hard feeling like I made a choice between the surgery and having children without knowing it. I knew it was a possible side effect, but it was so far away at that time, heck, I didn't even want kids then, I was only like 23. It is just so upsetting that because I live in this supposedly GREAT country that has SH*TTY health care, I cannot have a baby because IVF is not covered by insurance.

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles. I hope that your cycle works out and you get a nice surprise.

Just so you know, IVF is covered by insurance in some places. MA state law requires MA insurers to cover all fertility treatment 100%. In other cases, different insurance companies have different levels of coverage. Have you research all of these options? Obviously moving to MA may not be an option, but what if you found an insurance plan that covered half? Would that help?

Also, some clinics have programs that allow you to greatly reduce the cost of IVF as a whole. IN some cases, there are even grants available.

Or, if you decide to adopt, there is a $10,000 tax CREDIT for each child you adopt in the year the adoption is finalized. Plus there are lots of adoption subsidies, through individual agencies adn through private ones, like the Dave Thomas Foundation. Some employers even provide partial funding of adoption...I worked for a University that gave all adoptive parents $5000 for adoption expenses.

DOn't give up hope on having a family just yet.

By the by, I read the tax credit on adoptions went up to $11,390 but is set to expire 2010.
Just something to consider if you do think of adoption as an option as I am myself.
Jill is right, there are ways out there to have a family so don't give up.

Ditto with Jill and Olive oil.

I struggled with the fact that the only way for me to have my own bio child is to go thru IVF. I struggled for months trying to find ways to pay for it. It was not easy but we finally managed to scrape for one try. Maybe you could save 700 every time and use taxes refunds and save up and get a loan if thats something you and dh can do. I agree with Jill on doing research on insurances.

Do not give up even you are feeling like you will never get anywhere. I have been there and other ladies has be there. You will find a way to have your family.

Good luck with the iui!

Thanks everyone for your replies. Moving to MA is not an option. There are no other insurance plans available to me which offer a fertility rider. There ARE companies in my state that offer this, but employers refuse to pay for it. My beef is with Ohio companies I guess even more than insurance companies, but if the procedures weren't so expensive per the insurers, companies might be more willing to pay to provide for these treatments. DIAGNOSIS of a fertility problem is covered, but TREATMENT is not. My DH's health plan covers even less than mine.

I have explored our options. We would not be approved as adoptive parents, nor do we have the time to put into it, or the money. We carry a great deal of debt and are both 39. We live in a 900 sq ft rented apartment, have VERY little in savings, nothing for retirement, no investment instruments or anything, the apartment is very small, etc. Adoption takes 2 years and costs something like $40K is what I hear from my boss, who has adopted 2 kids. There is no way we could afford something like this and at 39, we don't exactly make the ideal age for adoptive parents. We are not interested in taking in foster children.

We would not be eligible for any loans as we do not have collateral to put down on anything because we don't have a house. Banks don't just extend you credit because you're nice and you want to have a child, unfortunately. Even if we got approved for a loan, with IVF costing as much as it does, there is no way we could afford the monthly payment on the loan on top of our bills. It's just not an option for us.

Just letting you know that adoption is expensive but 40K is high; depending on where you go it could be as low as 20K and there are a LOT of places that give you grants and some employers offer compensation as well. My employer will give us $3000 towards costs and we're going to apply for every grant that is out there as well and hopefully everything will be close to being paid for.

Your age isn't an issue with most countries...if going internationally. Usually the cut off for an infant is 45. Also, they don't care so much about the size of your house because that's not really what makes a "home."
And it doesn't always take 2 years. There are several countries that can turn things around in 9 mos. to a year...about the same as having one naturally.

I would look it to it before dismissing it entirely. If you can get someone else to pay for it, why not? There is tons of information out there on the web that can be very educational and hopeful.

Olive Oil is right - your info on adoption isn't complete.

My husband and I were in a home study to adopt when we decided to try IVF, so I know a lot about it (I didn't want to do more medical stuff, so was resisting IVF). Why do you say you wouldn't be accepted? There are lots of cases where people with much more serious medical conditions than ours adopt. There are also lots of exceptions made depending on the type of adoption you pursue.

As for the time involved, it takes about 2 months to get your home study done and your personal profile completed (if you do domestic adoption). If you do international, some countries are very quick on the turn around, and some countries deeply discount the costs because they have so many children that need homes. Some of the international programs cost about $9k (Ethiopia is one, I believe) and they will escort the child here so no travel involved. I have friends who have adopted domestically in less than 1 year.

The total cost from our research ranged from about $10k to $26k at the top end. What it really comes down to is what you are looking for in a child. THe more types of children you are willing to consider, the faster and less expensive the process will be. If you are willing to consider adoption from your local DSS, the cost can be almost nothing. Often these children have issues that need to addressed over the long term, but they are often the children who most need a home. Sometimes the kids have no issues, in fact are newborns, they just need a home.

Again, there are all kinds of grants and subsidies available to adopt. The agency we looked at gave lots of money to families that they qualified to be adoptive parents but who couldn't afford the costs. Part of the money we would have paid funded those programs. Check out the Dave THomas Foundation. Also, Dr Phil did a big show on adoption a while back and has resources posted on his site.

If you are willing to adopt an older child (sometimes that only means 1 year old), or one with correctable medical issue, the wait is almost non-existant and the costs are much lower, particularly with international adoptions. Often all a child needs is what we consider basic medical treatment, but in their country it is considered unattainable. THese children wait and wait for someone to adopt them so the countries are happy to do whatever they can to place them. Agencies too are commited to helping these children and they often cut or eliminate costs to get these kids placed.

Anything is possible if you just keep looking for the way to make it work for you. I don't mean to make this sound simple - I know it's not. I was doing it. It is tiring and time consuming, but no more so than being pregnant. It is scary and full of unknowns, but no more so than being pregnant. Having a child is a leap of faith no matter how that child arrives in your arms. I have never in my life been so scared every minute of the day of all the things that could harm my child. It is a level of worry and concnern I could not have imagined before Alex arrived. It makes me want to hug my parents and say "Now I understand"

But, having Alex has also been the most thrilling thing in our lives. To wake up every morning to his smiling face, to hear him say "thank you Mommy" when I give him breakfast, to watch him figuring out his world, to see my parents reduced to great big goofy kids trying to make him laugh, well, it's just worth all the time and energy it took to get here (it took us a total of 3 years to finally have Alex). And all the pain and complications of my pregnancy seem insignificant compared to what we have now.

So, if you decide to go ahead either way, know that it won't be easy (emotionally, financially, physically), but it will be worth it.

Thanks everyone. Many of my friends got married at the same time as I did (about 4 years ago) and I know 4 couples who have been going through the adoption process, all of them internationally, and it has been a nightmare for every one of them. Even if I were dramatically interested in adopting, which I'm not, it sounds like a lot of pain, anguish and expense which can end in a crapshoot of you not getting the child in the end(this happened to 1 of the 4 couples) and all have said how expensive it is, and all the red tape, etc.

The truth of the matter is I'm not interested enough in adoption to pursue it given the cost and difficulty around it.

And to answer the Q of the person who asked why I think we wouldn't be approved, it's because ouf our debt level. Our debt to income ratio looks pretty bad on paper.