I had my final surgery over a year ago, so I know that I am well healed, and my health has been great. I haven't had much of a sex life since the surgery, though, and I'm concerned about discomfort. I've met a wonderful man, and it seems that we will be bringing sex into the relationship very soon. I had sex only once about 2 months after my final surgery, and it was uncomfortable. I know that was mostly because of how soon it occurred after the surgery, but I'm still nervous that I will be uncomfortable to the point of not being able to enjoy myself. I've read other entries similar to this one on this site and everyone says it will get better with time. Does that mean it will get better with time even if you haven't been having sex? I'm curious as to what I should expect when I have sex again. I've had time to heal, but basically no "practice" to ease back into things.
Also, the guy I'm with now knows everything I went through, but I haven't specifically talked to him about what it might mean for our sex life. Should I talk to him about it beforehand, or just go for it and relearn what hurts and what doesn't?

Hi Dandelion,
Ok, first off, not everyone has a problem..so it is not an obligation to have pain and discomfort...second...it is not because it has been a while that it will be 'worse'...what should you be prepared for? Dryness, tightness (due to swelling in the region), a sensation of things being different (but not necessaily worse), a mild change in your anatomy...
On the otherhand...you may find yourself feeling better, less uncomfortable because you are no longer sick...and things may go off perfectly...
What you should do? Speak openly about your fears with Mr. New...let him know that it has been quite a while and that you are anxious...give yourself permission to take it slowly and to even set limits as to when to stop if you don't feel 'right'...prepare lube just in case...and make sure that you feel safe and comfortable with this new person...do not anticipate problems but do not panic if there are some...it is hard enough to have a 'first time' with a new Man so give yourself permission to change your mind too...Stress is a real killer....
And then don't forget to have fun, learn to laugh about the disasters and enjoy yourself..
Sharon

I have noticed if I don't have sex for a long time it is always a little painful. It also depends how aroused I am. If I am very aroused, as you might be with a new person, I have no problems at all. I, myself would joke about it. Just saying I was afraid it might be painful after not having it for a while...make a joke about how big his feet are...lol! That might open the conversation. When I first started dating my ex (12 years ago) We talked about quite a bit before actually doing it. When I was ready, he went into the kitchen for something, and came back to find me in bed under the covers. It always amazes me on how fast a man can get naked. Good luck.

Thank you both so much. This has really helped. He's a good guy and will definitely understand and be as gentle (emotionally and physically) as I need him to be. Just glad to know the pain won't be TOO bad. A little reassurance goes a long way
By the way, I've read other posts and comments by you both and I think you're both beautiful, inside and out. Your caring and strength really shows in the words that you give to others.

Thanks!

I went "without" for five years after my divorce (about 4 3/4 years after my takedown), and it was all good. Hope you have the same experience!