Hi.I was wondering if anyone had a surrogate due to health concerns.I had colitis since I was 17 and finally lost battle and had the 3 step jpouch surgeries 08 through 10.I'm on coumadin due to several clots in lungs and legs during illness.I'm 36 now and married 8years.We were unable to have a baby while I was on Mede for colitis and now I've had all the other surgeries and issue.Now I might need hysterectomy soon due to debilitating periods from endometriosis and cysts.I was just wondering if anyone had a surrogacy experience to share.Do they offer financing?Did you go through an agency or privately?I'm also considering adoption.Not having children is an unbearable thought to my husband and I.Also if anyone knows of someone interested in carrying please let me know.I live in southern Nj.Thanks for listening.It is comforting having a place to go for support.I hope everyone is feeling well.

I'm so sorry you've had such struggles. I'm not sure the processes one needs to follow for adoption or surrogacy but I just wanted to offer you support and understanding. I do believe your child will come to you someday - it's waiting that hurts the most.

Good luck

Thank you so much for your kind words.I know that all of us have had our share of struggles but it's nice to know we have each other to talk to.

I have 2 children, adopted internationally 6 and 3 years ago, now almost 8 and 4.5. They are the absolute joys of our lives!

I was looking up something else recently and stumbled onto a surrogacy website-there are definatly options for you, especailly if you have money. A friend whose adoption fell through turned to surrogacy, and they have 2 adorable twins!

Cost of domestic adoption can range from free (foster) to 20-50K, International 20-50K (with short notice travel costs, several trips in some cases), and surrogacy is probably more like 50-100K -legal fees, payments to carrier, and a lot of insurance companies do not cover surrogacy.

This may seem daunting, but many pay those kinds of costs for a new car, and an adoption process may take 1-3 years, so often costs can be spread out. Start saving today what you'd spend on diapers and daycare, and this is a good time to refinance your house or get a home equity line of credit at a good rate. There are very few adoption grants available unless you are adopting "special needs". I was a little afraid of US foster care at first, but if we were ever to adopt again, I would definately consider it-most foster care newborns are foster-adopt, so you risk falling in love with a baby and then not being able to adopt them, but there are many "older" kids or even sibling groups (older can mean anything above 2-3) who are legally free for adoption without fostering. This is a risk with any adoption-sadly I have had 2 close friends whose birht mothers changed their minds at the hospital, and both left brokenhearted. As a first time parent, I wanted a "baby" experience, but our kids were both 21 months at adoption, and there was plenty of baby in them and tons of "firsts"-just different. Babies grow up fast and most of parenting, over time, even homegrown, is of kids, not babies.

Don't give up your dream of being a parent-where there's a will, there's a way!

Thank you so much for your reply.That is wonderful that you have two adopted children.I have appt with fertility specialist thurs to discuss egg harvesting.Due to the blood clt history im unable to have hormones so i hope it is still possable.I would definately adopt too.I have been in and out of work since 07 due to illness and surgeries.im out on disability again now due to the cysts and endometriosis.We have money saved but will also have to borrow money.I agree with you that children are more important than material things.I cant bear the thought of not having them.Thanks again and I will keep you posted.

Hi there,

I have had a similar experience to you. I was diagnosed with UC at 17 and struggled through 7 major surgeries over the years.My husband and I have recently been trying to have a baby much to our avail. We tried for 6 months and then went to the dr and found out I had stage IV endometriosis. I had surgery to remove as much of it as I could without disturbing my pouch and muscle flap in March. Since then we have been on a roller coaster of emotions being told we were good to go at getting pregnant, to then a week later bening told that we shouldn't risk my pouch and status quo for a pregnancy. I personally can not handle another external pouch. We were told by my amazing fertility specialist that pregnancy is just like renting an aprtment for 9 months. This of course was a lot easier for my husband to understand and get on board with than me. I am still struggling with it everyday.

We have now turned to the IVF process and I am on my second round of shots. The first round my ovaries didn't respond. I should be going in for a retrivial next week and hopefully we will have plenty of little embryos to freeze and choose from when the time is right. We will be using a surrogate and actually my cousin has offered to do it for us. We are in the process of talking to the dr.'s and getting all the tests done for her. There are plenty of centers around that offer counseling for this issue and can answer all of the questions you may have. Just remember to dot all your "I"s and cross all of your "T"s. We live in California and from everything i've read we are the most porgressive state when it comes to surrogacy. Make sure you read up on your state laws.

I'm here if you have any questions or need support. Even in the endometriosis category. I went to the best surgeon in the world, here at stanford. Good luck!!

Thanks so much for sharing your experience.I went to fert dr at university of Penn yesterday and it was a bit overwhelming.I've been on coumadin for 3years due to clots in legs and lungs.The IVF process increases chances of clotting and I would need to stop bloodthinners for some parts.I have to consult with my hematologist.Yes and they also told me that with my extensive medical history they strongly advise me not to get pregnant myself.That's great that you have someone to carry.I def don't have any prospects right now.They gave me names of lawyers that work with agencies.How are you feeling with the injections?I wish you so much luck.Keep in touch.

Another option is to become a foster parent. A friend of mine did that and ended up with a 5 month old and approx 2 year old that were siblings that had been taken care of by their paternal aunt. Both parents had their rights terminated and the aunt just couldn't handle them with all of her children too.

My friends went to state classes and fostered them from the beginning with the intention of adopting. They had to be monitored for a year and then adopted them.

All states are different, just thought I'd throw in another option.

It sounds like you two will be great parents roxy.

Thanks for the support.I didn't realize that the IVF process to harvest the eggs would require me to stop my bloodthinners at certain times.The dr said the hormones increase your chances of blood clots.I definitely am considering adoption.I know we could offer a loving home to any child.We have been together 11 years through the good and the bad and know that we are ready.thanks again.

roxy - last year the reality TV show called "Giulianna & Bill" shared their experience of taking the hormones, egg harvesting etc. It was really involved. It might help if you could catch some past episodes on the "Style" network. Unfortunately the first try ended up with a miscarrage and the second time she ended up in the emergency room. They are taking some time off this season. I know some people make fun of reality shows but that season was pretty good.

Hi. I used a gestational surrogate to have my and my husband's genetic baby! I've had two egg retrievals. It's not an easy route at all, but it's soooo worth it. I didn't want to, nor did my husband want to put me through a pregnancy after how hard I fought to become somewhat healthy!

Roxy,
I think that if someone wants a child then they should try anything and everything possible...according to their beliefs, finances and physical and mental capacity...I love the idea of a surrogate mother...it has exisited since the begining of time and women have been doing it for centuries even though science and technologie have only been able to give us surrogates with our own eggs for the last 20 or so yrs...
Men used to impregnate their wife's servant (think Abraham and Sarah) if their own wife couldn't have a baby and that way she had a baby that at least was part of her husband...women who believed that it was their hubby's fault and not theirs often took a lover to get themselves pregnant after yrs of trying...so why not?
Here in France it is illegal and the child is not recognised by the Govt if you do it...(no schooling, health insurance, cannot carry the parent's name etc)so it just wasn't an option for me and going to the states to have it done would have been financially impossible (not to mention that I would never have wanted to transfer my genetics to someone that I loved!)but I think that it a super solution for anyone who cannot risk their life or health to carry a baby...
I wish you all the luck in the world and good health for both you and your future child.
Sharon

Hi,
I'd just like to say that anyone who wants a child will end up with one (or two or three!). So if you put your mind to making it happen, it will. I went through countless IVF cycles from the ages of 29 - 32 and then took a break... at the end of which (6 months) I very mysteriously became pregnant... My 16 year old boy is my big miracle. Having been able to produce plenty of embryos, and never even making it to the positive stage, his appearance was no less than miraculous. Then, 10 years later we managed another miracle, using our very last embryo, and on the first take, our angel surrogate became pregnant... 9 months later, my little miracle daughter was born in a very emotionally charged delivery (even the obgyn was crying!).
There are so many options out there, I'd start barking up as many trees as I could, and see which of those paths leads you to your baby!
BTW, the final verdict on my infertility was: hydrosalpinx. This means there is 'guck' collecting within the scaring and adhesions in my abdomen which drips out through the uterus making it unfriendly towards the embryos (of which we made possibly hundreds, all wasted on me... ) I thank God for my miracles everyday, every moment.
Good Luck, and never lose sight of the simple fact that you WILL have a child or your own, it's a question of pursuit!
T