So, it's been about ten months since my original surgery and four since take-down. Is it normal to still have no physical reaction? Mentally I have desire at least. I talked to my gynecologist and she said that everything looks fine - the reason I'm having trouble is because I'm nervous about pain and intercourse. This can't be true because I still don't have anything when I try "on my own."

Another problem is that when I tried to have intercourse for the first time recently, my boyfriend couldn't begin to get in. It was painful for him, not to mention me. We did use lube, but the doctor said my entry area is just very small. She suggested I buy a dilator set and do some peri-anal massage.

I'm really sick of not being "normal." Not only have I been sick practically my whole life, now I'm afraid I'll never have a normal sex life. I'm not obsessing over it, I promise, but it does bother me now and then, especially after checking the price for the dilator. I've been having trouble with pouchitis ever since take-down too, but seem to be doing a little better finally. Still on 250 mg of Cipro a day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Not dead just still in hybernation...let's stay positive...you are just 'tight'...you do not have to spend money on an expensive dialator when there are so many cheaper ( and much more fun) options availible in speciality stores...they come in all colours and sizes and don't need a prescription ...start out small and let your boyfriend work with you on this one and make it a game...Working up to size so to speak...pain is a real turn off and if you are afraid of it then you will not feel pleasure...set the mood, use lighting, music, candles and anything else you may need (ice cream, chocolate, whipped cream, metamucil wafers!)...you may need to 'go through with it' a few times before you start to feel something 'good'...practice makes perfect...just keep the games light and fun...and stop worrying..I know some very 'sexy' friends who are perfectly, biologically normal who didn't have their first orgasm until the age of 30!
Just learn to enjoy the caressing and stop worrying about the rest
Sharon

LOL sharon! Metamucile wafers?

I most sincerely hope that you feel better!

I don't have much to add to Sharon's playful suggestions. I have to ask though, by chance are you a virgin? If so, that would explain the more extreme tightness. Your previous posts mentioned that you were avoiding intercourse to avoid pregnancy. It is pretty much always painful the first time, and unfortunately, some women have a thicker and tougher hymen than others. It is possible it may need to be cut, if repeated attempts fail. A second opinion from another GYN may be in order if you keep getting the same suggestions.

Jan

Marisa, I can really relate to what you are going through. I had secondary sexual dysfunction (several years ago everything was A-OK with the only other sexual partner I've ever had other than my husband), so it was possibly related to IBD, it would fit the timeline. I have always struggled with prohibitive tightness and pain with my husband and have seen many different providers and therapists about it. I have been diagnosed with vulvar vestibulitis syndrome, also with a muscular component, sometimes called vulvodynia. The only thing I have really had any luck with was pelvic floor physical therapy. My women's health PT is a miracle worker... I literally credit her partly with the birth of my child! If you really are having pelvic floor dysfunction, I can validate that it is a REAL problem and makes intercourse pretty much impossible--this is what I experienced. It is extremely discouraging and can lead to depression and relationship problems. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, but there is help to be found. Your general GYN is likely to be little if any help. Look online and see if you can find a woman's health physical therapist experienced in pelvic floor PT. You may have to dig a little to find one. I'm telling you, this changed my life and perhaps saved my marriage. Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk about this further... it can make you feel SO alone and so discouraged, but you are NOT alone, and you CAN find help and restore an enjoyable sex life. Hang in there!

Lots of good advice here. When you are young, not too experienced and especially before you have a baby - you are naturally tighter. Maybe that has a lot to do with it, maybe a little wine would help alon with everyones suggestions.

I like the PT suggestion though and think it might help a grandma like me that is having a difficult time 4 months after my take down.

Yeah, I am a virgin, so I know that some pain is to be expected. I just didn't expect to feel the "wall" that seems to be there when inserting anything - not the hymen, but very close to the entrance.

The GYN told me to do some version of the pelvic floor therapy to myself, but I don't know how likely that is to help since I'm not sure I'd know what I was doing.

My mom also suggested a vibrator(s) instead of the dilator, so maybe I'll try that. She also suggested I drink a little alcohol too! I've never hardly had a drink, so I'll give this a shot *rimshot*. Thank you all for your suggestions!!!

I agree with the suggestion of gradually larger toys, starting very small. even if you don't feel anything from them, it can help.

I never had any problems GI related when I lost my virginity, and I remember the first time I went to do it thinking um, yeah, there is no way he's getting THAT into THIS tiny hole. It is very painful. "Couldn't begin to get in" is normal for a lot of women, even with lube. Try to loosen things up with some vibrators or dildos, it will take some time.

I've had pelvic pain and hurt some during intercourse but not bad. Talked to Ob about it and she said everything seem to be fine but she would do other test if I wanted. Well of course I didn't if she thought there was no reason. Never pursued anything else. I also have problems emptying pouch and somewhat urinating. Told by GI I need pelvic floor rehab. so I did. Exercises is the way therapst went about it. Pelvic area needed to be repositioned. After awhile I noticed no longer hurt during intercourse and a couple of other changes. So there was a problem with my pelvic. Only thing it has not changed my emptying which is really what I was trying to correct. Of course I am glad there is no longer pain during intercourse and I would think if I had not done the therapy eventually it would of gotten worse. Maybe this is something you should ask about. I would of thought my OB would of had an answer but it does not seem they are really familiar about the pelvic floor issues. Hope to see you find something out soon.

My reply was short and more at Sharon before Marissa...I'm glad that there are some on here who have had problems in the event that that is what it turns out to be. However to address the virginity thing: It does hurt the first (couple times) Heck in my case it didn't feel 'good' (actual intercourse...other things did though...) for a long time. And like a poster previous to me I'll say that I sympathise with your fear issue because of pain. I've not had intercourse since surgery and am holding that for marriage but it does scare me. So when the time comes I'll be kicking back with some good tasting 'adult beverage' first--

A short post-scriptum here...during the time that my pouch had fallen off of the wall, during my dreaded abdominal/perstomal hernias and for those amazing years when I had ovarian cysts and steril abscesses/turmors in the scaral ilac fossa...sex was no fun at all. Period. OUCH was an understatement...I nearly passed out a couple of times from the pain...my partner at the time was oblivious and just thought that I was 'frigid' (couldn't tell pain from pleasure if it hit him on the noggin!)...SEX and Pain do not mix well...at least not this way...you cannot have sex and enjoy it if you are clamping your eyes shut and praying for it to be over...I kinda like sex but hate pain and hubby doesn't do too well with me when I am suffering...so by all means...do not do it if it hurts...find out why it hurts, because other than very specific reasons, it shouldn't. Discomfort can be normal in the begining, but not all out screaming pain...then you had better see a specialist...
At worst, if all is normal, try a couple of muscle relaxants to keep you limber...avoid mixing with wine or you may just be unconscious during the main event! But do not prepare for pain...prepare for pleasure but stop if it hurts. And try an antianxiety pill a half hour beforehand...if needed.
Sharon

Definitely try using a vibrator. With all my experience with sexual dysfunction, the hubby and I have had to really hyper-analyze our sex life and the "techniques" we might use to make sex tolerable/comfortable/pleasurable. I have come a long way and much more comfortable talking about it and dealing with it than I might otherwise be... all that said, I think every woman (who is in a sexual relationship) should have a vibrator. At least one. Learn to use it by yourself first and get to know yourself. It will help you immensely in your physical relationship with your partner. Also, you absolutely must wait until you are physically aroused to attempt intercourse. Foreplay is mandatory and should be gentle and slow. Vibrators are good here too! Without the element of physical arousal, especially as a newly sexually active person, even if your pelvic floor is perfectly functional, he will have trouble getting in and it will be extremely uncomfortable if not impossible. Hang in there and good luck!

Pure Romance is a great company that has very safe effective products. They are discrete. They have a dialator set you can order without a perscription. I would also suggest lidocane cream. Relax...there is more than one way to please yourself and your man...as long as your are willing to try.

I lost my virginity about a year post-pouch. Compared to now, the first time was a real let down. It hurt and was not pleasurable. Years later (same guy!) and tons of fun. Agree with all the great advice above. I went on the pill about 6 months post-pouch and had to have a pelvic exam-the doctor had to call on the intercom for a peds size speculum-talk about embarrassing! Never really thought about the tightness possibly being due to surgery, but it makes sense.

Good luck!