I know this is pathetic and vain...but I have to vent!!! I am 5 months out of surgery for permanent ileo. and have been upbeat and so sure of my decision until now! I am starting to mourn for the life I had before the "ileo" (of course I am conveniently forgetting the bad parts) My husband is wonderful and I know he loves me, but intimacy is distant and forced most of the time (well 3 since October)...Is it me? Am I putting out the vibe that screams...STAY AWAY!!!!I just want things to be "normal"...whatever that measn!! Sorry to unload on this forum, but who else would understand!!!!!

Have you discussed it with your husband? What is his point of view? It seems that quite a few people experience PTSD after this surgery and often it's not immediately after. Have you thought about taking an antidepressant or talking with a therapist who is familiar with chronic disease? Of course, taking an antidepressant might just add to the problem since many of them decrease libido.

I can't remember if you were one of the people who had posted about intimate for ostomates. If you haven't looked into it, there are some dang sexy undergarments that stay in place during sex.

And you're certainly not pathetic or vain because you miss intimacy or your brain is trying to trick you into thinking that maybe your life was better 'before.'

I hope this is just a tiny little blip-bump in the road and gets sorted out soon.

kathy

My lady was talking about not have a decent nights sleep in the last 7 days. I told her I can count on my hands the decent nights sleep I've had since having the ileostomy the last 2 1/2 years. It's just part of the "New Norm". Some how I've accepted it and keep living life.

I can remember a lot of frequent bouts of depression in the first year. Couldn't watch sad movies. It would make me weepy for a week!

Hang in there

Hey there, hope you are doing better now but still wanted to reply. You need to cut yourself some slack...getting a perm ileo is a huge adjustment and blow to your body image. It will take time. Try to talk to your husband about how you are feeling or a trusted friend. Intimacy will come back...people try all kinds of different things...t-shirt, panties that hold pouch to you with crotch cut out etc. I tried a bunch of different things but over time found that really my husband did not care at all...after all he is a man and a naked woman is a naked woman, lol! But, you have to feel comfortable yourself and you will get there. I had three different temporary ileos before I got my permanent and it was not until well into having the permanent for awhile that I felt ok with it. It still bothers me some..not just with intimacy but day to day....but as you go on you will find that the days that bother you are less and less and it becomes second nature as much as it can. I will have had my permanent ileo for three years in June and if you want to know the truth....my sex life is better than it has ever been and certainly better than with colitis and all the sickness and pain. Hang in there...feel free to email me anytime!