Hi everyone,.
So I met a guy that I really, really like, and he really likes me to...We have gone on several dates so far, and things are going really well. I would really like to be in a relationship with him. The only problem is though, is that I haven't told him that I have an ostomy. I'm really scared, and I don't know how to say it... But I know I have to tell him soon, before things go any further, just in case he decides he can't handle it. My ex boyfriend actually cheated on me, and then broke up with me because of the stoma (or so he says) ... so I am extremeley worried about this The stoma is temporary, and I'm supposed to be getting the j-pouch this summer. But I'm also worried about telling him how I am going to be really sick while I'm in the hopsital, and during the recovery period. Does anyone have any experience with this? Or does anyone have any kind of advice, or some kind of a "speech" in mind? Thank you so much
-Jennie

thats great you found a nice guy! i agree you need to tell him sonner than later. i got sick after i got married so i never had that problem. but it might be easier for him if you start off with the "temporary" part of it. and why are you going to be sick? you will have to recover from the surgery, but you shouldnt be sick. and remind him that after a few months (up to a year) you will be close to brand new!! i think if he sees a real future with you, he will wait it out and be supportive. if he doesnt, he either really didnt like you that much or he's really shallow. but i dont know if thats the kind of conversation you want to have on a date, just in case he bolts! maybe tell him at home or on the phone? i hope he understands and you have found a partner for life! good luck!!

I've had three experiences with telling people. They freak out and run away, they don't mind it, and they say "Oh! Cool!" When it comes down to it, and I hate it when people said this, but if he really is interested he will be ok with it.

I didn't believe that until, well, yesterday actually. I went on a (first) date yesterday, with a girl I met through some mutual friends. She'd heard I'd had surgery and asked me about it. Over lunch. I was nervous a bit, to understate things. I told her I have an ileostomy as briefly as I could (it required explanation. When does it ever not?) and let her know that she could ask me about it any time, but that I should probably wait until after lunch.

And, well, I've been nervous about it since. But, well, we {B]are[/B] going out again Friday. So, who knows?

The commonalities between my various results: When people have said "Oh cool!", they all had jobs or interests in medicine. When they freaked out, I was very timid and depressed-sounding when I told them about it. I also went into excruciating detail. Too much information is bad.

When they didn't freak out, I was brief. I didn't talk about long-term things. I didn't go into my medical history or tell any details about the dozen surgeries that led up to where I am now. I was confident and [I can't think of the word, but something like matter-of-fact]. I let them ask questions rather than answer them before they asked.

Even so, I may not be the best person to ask. My luck in dating since I got UC has been... poor. But, I hope this helps.

-Chase

Hi guys,

So I wasn't so sure if I should post this, because I dont want to discourage anyone. But it des end happily (so far anyways...) So I told the guy I was seeing how I was sick with ulcerative colitis and needed to have an ileostomy surgery done. I didn't want to show him my ileostomy though, so it was a little hard to explain. But I tried to sound very optimistic about the whole thing, and I pretended like it really was no big deal and I was completely fine with it. So after I talked to him he said that he was fine with all of it, and that it didnt change the fact that he thought I was beautiful, or how he felt about me (hehe). So then I told him to meet me on MSN Messanger later that night, so that i could send him some pictures of what it actually looked like, and he could learn more about it. Unfortunately, he got home way before me, and started googling images.. the worst case scenario ones of course. And I guess he passed out and hit his face off of the coffee table.. His roommate told me they were taking him to emerge. So I though to myself "ok.. I guess thats the end of that". But he called me and kept apologizing (even though it wasnt his fault). He said that even though he passed out, he really didn't think it was that bad. He said he really liked me, and wanted things to work out. So since then weve been on several dates and things have been going really, really well Except that he has a huge swollen and split lip. So yeah, kind of a weird story. But there it is!

UPDATE: we are officially a couple now (Sorry for all the previous typos.. I think I fixed most of them)

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