Oooooooooh please let let me have a part in your video!!!! There are lots of "tips" on how to use their product that I'd like to give my "expert" opinion on!

My stoma nurse (and very good friend) Marlene has been telling all and sundry about my combination since we devised it and even tells the Convatec and Coloplast reps about how I mix "n" match their produts when they visit the Island.

Shell

Aw man! Don't be telling THEM about it! They'll just try to find a way to confound mixing their products.

I won't do a video- no technology available for me to do so, but I'm already writing my "script" in my head:

"Meet Rae. She's had an ileostomy for a year. She's going to demonstrate how to use the Esteem Synergy system."

"Notice how she gently removes the wafer. (*sqweaking and grumbling in the background as I try to pry off the wafer without adhesive remover*)."

"Rae has a short stoma, so she uses a durahesive moldable wafer with convexity. She cleanses the area around her stoma using a mild soap and warm water. *swearing and kicking the furniture as Squirt spews goo all over the bathroom)."

"While accidents can happen from time to time, it is important to remain calm. Wipe away stoma output and cleans the area again, making sure to remove all traces of effluent."

*Continued swearing and wild gesturing when Squirt lives up to his name yet again. Threaten stoma with the use of a chip clip.*

"Rae has irritated skin from frequent appliance leaks. She applies a minimal coat of stomahesive powder to the raw area and brushes off the excess before dabbing the area with a non-sting barrier wipe."

*chases cat off the counter, who has been batting at various wipe packages and the bottle of podwer, knocking each of them onto the bathroom floor. Swears profusely when Squirt squirts once again.*

"Rae will continue the endless round of cleansing, podwering and barrier wiping until she finally manages to complete the process without her stoma making any more unscheduled messes. She applies a tiny bit of strip paste, produced by a company whose products are grossly inferior to our own, to the tiny moat she has around her stoma, then quickly applies an Eakin seal to help heal her semi-permanently excoriated skin."

*Gets bits of paste strip stuck to the end of finger like the booger from hell. Tries to get bit of paste strip off of finger by going through various gyrations that would make a world class gymnast look great. Finally gets the bit of paste off of the end of her finger, picks up the Eakin seal and accidentally drops it on the floor, picking up every convceivable bit of cat hair that is not visible to the naked eye stuck to the seal. Quickly grabs another seal and slaps it on before anything else stupid happens.*

"Rae firmly presses the convex wafer to her abdomen and holds it securely for about a minute while the adhesive bonds to her skin."

*swings a hair dryer from one hand while trying to keep the wafer away from the cat with the other. Warms the wafer with the hair dryer to help it stick better. Presses the wafer in place, hissing through teeth as doing so makes raw skin burn.*

"Finally, Rae applies the soft, fabric like pouch, also made from a company whose products are greatly inferior to our own, but some people's taste in appliances is all in their mouths. We should caution the viewer that mixing and matching appliance parts could lead to fiscal disaster for us all and is strongly discouraged. Rae secures the velcro closure of her pouch and neatly tucks it under the fabric cover, preventing the end of he drainable pouch from digging into her groin or various other provate parts that pouches have no business digging into. She has now completed her appliance change in only 35 minutes, and is ready to go out and enjoy life once again."

Or you know... something like that.

*chuckle*

Rae

Dear Rae,

You are my hero! What an amazing (and creative) sense of humor. If anyone deserves to achieve success ostomy- (or other) wise, it's you.

Hang in there, friend.

Oh Rae, That is just too funny!

I was sitting here sipping my morning cuppa and nearly spat tea all across my monitor while reading it! You have a real talent and a brilliant sense of humour! As Rudolph says you of all people deserve the chance of ostomy appliance happiness!

Don't give up, you'll find the right solution soon and when you do you'll have more experience in different combinations and techniques than anyone else on the planet so you'll be our very own Ostomy Expert!

Take care

Shell

Hysterical Rae! I can 'see' every step of that process - especially the booger and dropped seal full of cat hair. I wondering - can you ever apply the '5-second rule' to a dropped seal?

kathy