i was just wondering how a girl would react to an illeo and if you all have any insight on this im 16 and i was wondering if any of you all had any thoughts or experiences with this

This message has been edited. Last edited by: jimmyclay,

Honestly...it's been a non issue in my relationships. I have been way more freaked out about it then the guys have. Be up front, so it's not a surprise. You're ileo is temporary...I wouldn't worry about it. Once you get your j-pouch, it will be a distant memory. If, like me, you end up with an ileo for life, you can't let it define you. It's a very small part of who I am or how I live my life...and get smaller everyday. Best of luck! :-)

i understand but im just worried about how most 16 year old girl are very il just say picky and rumors spread very fast and that would kill my self esteem

Do many people know about it?

only my 3 closest friends

Jimmy,

Keep this in mind. Not many people your age have any idea what you are going thru, nor the immense amount of inner strength and pride it takes to make it thru this.

Before you let any shallow person, be it 16 or 60, damage your self esteem, try to look at from that angle. I am a ridiculously confident and outgoing person. I could not begin to comprehend trying to take this on at your age.

You have my utmost respect and i think you and any other young person who has to deal with this fight are immeasurably strong.

Stay proud and strong as you are. This does not define who you are by any means. It very well may define others for you though.

All the best to you

Derek

PS. I was 18 when this hit me. My wife has gone through all the highs and lows of this with me. Even having my bag break on her in the middle of the night. It has never phased her in the least. The right person will see you for who you are.

The right person of any age won't care.

When I was at my worst I said something to my husband about how he should just go cause he didn't sign up for this. The first time I said it he was very understand ing. The second time he got really mad at me. He asked if I would care if it was him. I said no. Then he asked me why I thought in was a better person than him and of course it didn't matter. It's never been an issue since (14 years ago!)

I have a perm ileo after failed pouch and I have two kids born with my ileo. Just live your life.

Meet a girl and become friends. After you see what she is like as a person then you can decide what to tell her. It may take a while to find the right girl but there are lots of "right girls" out there.

jimmyclay,

You might want to pick up the book "It's in the Bag and Under the Covers" by Brenda Elsagher. "This book takes an honest look at the challenges an ostomy can bring to dating and intimacy, told by people who have lived it." It is written with gentle humor and compassion by a woman who has an ostomy herself.

Caty

Thanks for the book tip Caty...

jimmyclay...if you will be having takedown soon...I'd just put your dating life on hold for a couple months. Grant it...I haven't been in high school for a long, long time, so not sure how easy this would be to do. But hopefully after takedown you will be back to "better then normal" in no time at all.. :-)

My heart is just goin out to you! I am 29 and just had my large intestine removed this past June (at age 28) and the take down in August, so this is all very new to me too.
I have been married for 8 years this past September, and I did not have UC when I met my husband, in fact, I developed it after I had our second child.
It has not been an easy journey all these years- first with trying to figure out why I was so sick, and then the treatments that failed, and finally the surgeries, but through it all, he has been at my side... my greatest support and the one I CAN count on to be there even on the really bad days. HE was the one who paid attention to the ostomy nurse on how to change my bag after the first surgery, and even helped me to do it/did it himself for the first week or so after.
My point is that you can't let this disease define who you are. You are so young, and while it is an adjustment, this isn't WHO you are. And any girl who judges you by what you have been through (which will make you a stronger person... because let's face it, when you have UC and go through all we go through, you dig to the depths of who you are and rise from the ashes into a much stronger and better person), doesn't deserve the person you are.
I understand about feeling self conscious. Keeping my relationship strong with my husband when it comes to intimacy has been difficult because I feel self concious (and I know that's your thinking of- what will a girl think if shirt is off?). If she truly cares for you, it won't matter... and the whispers, shrug them off... teens can be cruel, it's true, but you CAN rise above that.
Believe in yourself and hold your head up high! And remember, you do have friends who are there for you- they may not understand what you're going through, but they are still there and hopefully willing to listen when you need to unburden yourself. Good luck!

I think a lot of the problem will be within you. Meaning that your attitude or feelings toward yourself will be picked up by others. There is a saying of the Stoics ( para phasing). Our situation in life we have no control over but our attitude toward the situation we can control. You are where you are and self pity wont change that, nothing can. So it is to work on your attitude toward yourself and others, to keep it positive. I think it good to remember that people most likely will at first be a bit freaked out, this is just a reaction and shouldn't be held against them. I wouldn't look to casual dating but towards creating a long term relationship in which this will be a non issue.

They have ileo bags that are smaller and more low profile and are intended for intimacy or for sports like swimming etc. Check into them. Most girls are more accepting of things than guys are I think. And especially a nice girl will accept you.

Hi Jimmy,
I completely understand what you are going through, only on the other side of things. I'm 16 also, and have been through it all. Colitis for 11 years, temp ileo , and the pouch. I'm here for you if you need me, I wish i had someone when i was going through my surgeries. I'm doing awful now (complications that doctors cant explain) , but i'm managing. Its weird to think that there are other teenagers jsut like me.

If you ever need to talk , I'm here.