I appreciate the response Kat. Our divorce was finalized in February. So that's over with. I am in the process of trying to sell my house. I bought at nearly the peak of the market, and now I'm trying to sell when it stinks. My timing seems to be wonderful on a lot of things. Anyways, I have bad days and good days. I find that I'm more short tempered and stuff, but I'm trying to control that. Hopefully when my home sells, I can look into moving somewhere else and starting over. My job isn't so great that I wouldn't mind going elsewhere. If anyone knows of any project management opportunities out there, I would love to hear from you.

Harvey,

Benn worried about you since it as been so long since your last post. I am glad to hear you are on the road to recovery divorce is a very hard thing to go through. I started the tri-mix injections 2 weeks a go and they have worked for me. Dr. Dailey in the Jackson Urology Clinic in Jackson next to Babtist Hospital has been great to work with. I tried the Testum, Androl, all the Viagra drugs, and hormon shots and they didn't work.

Check out Huntsville, AL. It's a huge Missile Defense and Engineering town and there are always Project Management jobs available. And the cost of living is great.
Huntsville is one of the South's best kept secrets. It's got the highest number of PhD's per capita in the nation.
And you wouldn't have too move too far since you're coming from Mississipi.
I did a google search and found a few listings. Or you could check career builder.

Goodluck moving on with your life and starting over. Be sure you take care of your health because I know the stress of a divorce can be very physical.

Harvey, I was wondering how you're doing and how your situation is. I'm hoping and praying that you're doing fine and that things are getting better for you. You deserve much better things in your life than what you have had recently.

Let us know how you're doing,

Much love and virtual hugs,

Suzanne (and the rest of your cheering section here on the site)

Suzanne,
Things are going ok right now. Not really seeing anyone, finding it hard to approach women. It might possibly be too soon to attempt something like that, even without the physical issue. I'm still trying to sell the house, as everyone else in my subdivision seems to be. I will have had 3 interviews for new jobs by Friday of this week. All are still in the area which I live, but one has the option for advancement in another area. I'm hoping that I am offered a position here shortly. I'm still dealing with depression which comes and goes, but I am doing it without medication. I feel that I've probably had enough medication over the last few years. Trying to find the things that make me happy, because they seem to have changed over the years. Anyway, I appreciate the post.

Harvey, I'm glad to see you are checking in. It's a rough time to be looking for a job and trying to sell a house, but three interviews sounds very promising and being employed will probably do more to lift your depression than any pill could. Just wanting to find the things that make you happy is a very good sign.

Keep in touch.

Jan

Hi Harvey. I just read this entire thread for the first time today. God, you've really been through a hell. I'm so sorry. I don't know your ex's side of the story, but I have to say, I think divorcing was probably the best thing you could have done. I agree with the post earlier on - not all women put their partner's libido at the top of their list of priorities when choosing a partner. My libido has always been pretty low; I would be delighted to have a partner whose levels matched mine! (My husband wants to me to take part in drug trials for some new drug to raise female libido. His face fell when I said that I don't want to be a guinea pig for a drug that no-one knows the long-term side effects of, nor do I want to be trotting in and out of doctor's offices being tested every month. Not after what I've been through. He was visibly disappointed.) Not all women expect men to be the sexual equivalent of the Duracell Bunny, I promise. I hope you can sell your house and move on, literally. I think a physical move will help you mentally close the book on your ex and your life with her. Your old life and marriage didn't make you well. As far as I'm concerned, your life starts now! New job, new home, new life! Pick yourself up, brush yourself down and start walking - head held high. You've coped with depression without meds, you've survived your divorce, you've survived the surgeries. You're alive! Your whole life is ahead of you! You decide whether you're going to be miserable or happy - and you sound to me like the kind of person who gets angry, not defeated. I can't really comment on whether or not to get support through a church because the church here doesn't have the same standing or influence on daily life here as it does in the US, so it's a bit alien to me. But I agree in the aspect of finding new networks, and establishing your own identity again, as "Harvey-on-my-own". Was there anything you used to enjoy doing that either your illness or your ex stood in the way of? If so, do it now! You're your own boss - enjoy your freedom Once you wave all your old demons goodbye, you'll start enjoying life again...and women will flock. There's nothing as attractive as someone who's comfortable in their own skin

I don't really have anyone, or anywhere else to put this. I'm tired of bothering my parent's with this and making my parent's worry. I've been crying off and on for the last few days. I'm not sure if it's related to a cold I'm fighting, the fact that I have a review coming up Thursday at work which I am afraid will go badly, that my marriage is over and there is a distinct possiblity that I will never meet anyone else, or all of the above. I don't know what the hell my problem is. I just feel kind of worthless lately. I'm trying to find some sort of meaning and Im coming up empty lately. I feel like I'm **** personally and professionally. I know nobody want's to hear me bitch, and I don't want to do it. I don't want to be that guy. I've done a decent job thus far of keeping these feelings out of my public life. When I get home to this empty house though, I just feel like such an incredible failure. Why did I handle things as badly as I did? Why did I constantly push her away? Why did I act so coldly towards her? I mean, I ultimately got what I wanted I guess. She left and found someone more worthy of her love. It's been really tough just getting out of the bed every day. What the hell is the point. I get no fulfillment out of life. What do I do to change this? What the hell can I do to make this easier? Why does everything hurt so badly?

Everything hurts so badly because you're depressed! And with good reason, too. Your marriage went belly up, which is enough to throw most people into some level of misery, and you had to battle with illness too. Either of these things are hard to deal with on their own, let alone in combination. But hey: you made it through to the other side! Don't fall into the trap of feeling a failure because you're going through the normal emotions after these events. It's normal to be sad, angry, bitter and/or full of doubts and regrets after a divorce. However, you reach a point where you have to decide how you want the rest of your life to be! You can't do anything about the past. It's gone. Finito. What you can influence is today - the Here and Now. So I stand by what I wrote before; accept that the past is the past and the future is a blank page ready to be filled. YOU decide what you want to fill the pages with. Go out there and get the life you want. If you don't feel able to get your depression under control by yourself (again, it would be understandable!) then I think you should talk to your doc about antidepressants for a period of time. Your doc should be able to advise on the different kinds and help you get a kind that isn't known for being horribly addictive.)
Oh, and by the way, you didn't ruin your marriage by yourself. There were two of you in the marriage, you both participated in how it developed. I hope both you and your ex can move on and be happy in the future.

I couldn't agree more with Soph. You have ample reason to be depressed. Part of depression often is tied to guilt. You make yourself nuts playing over and over in your head how different things would be if..... But, it is very seldom that a marriage dissolves because of one person.

Coming home to an empty house must be very demoralizing, especially if you have always felt you were a "people person." Until you develop another social life, please keep coming here for support and understanding. We can't make your sadness go away, but at least you can feel like you are connecting. Have you spoken to your doctor about your feelings? Maybe it is time...

Jan

Hi Harvey,
I thought I'd chime in here because I can really identify with some of the distress that you've described. Some things have not been going well within my family and I too found myself so thrown for a loop that I couldn't think straight. I started to retreat from everyone because I didn't want to burden anyone with my sadness. I tried to land the job of my dreams and feel like because I was feeling so out of whack inside that I didn't come across very well and it didn't work out...didn't help my self esteem a bit! I would wake up in the morning and feel like getting out of bed required more energy than I had..things began to compound and make things worse. I started getting sick and when I went to the doctor, he asked what kind of stress I was under...well the dam just broke! It all came spilling out and my whole world suddenly was upside down. Depression has a way of gripping you and dragging you down. I cried all of the time, lost interest in anything that I used to enjoy and walked around wondering why I was here. Harvey, please go talk to your doctor about this. I'm taking antidepressants and it's made a world of difference for me. It's allowing me to gain a new perspective so that I can handle my problems with a clearer thought process which is giving me a more positive outlook that I am stronger than I thought I was. I felt weak at first for having to succumb to medication, but a person who is in depression's grip has a hard time pulling out of it. Once I gave the medication time to work, I started feeling a little better and forced myself to do something good for myself which was working out. I enjoy that alot because I know it's good for me and in the process, it made me feel better. I'm not going to lie, I still struggle with it because medication is not a magic pill and you still have to work at it. But nobody can make you feel better except for you and when you take charge of your life, that can be pretty empowering. As far as your wife goes, you should thank her for walking out because she was not the right woman for you. She did not have what it takes to love a man like you. Love takes many forms and intimacy can take many forms and the right woman will come along, probably when you least expect it Give yourself time to heal from all of this heartache..take a step back from life, brush yourself off like Soph says, start working out, get involved with something good like Habitat for Humanity or some other organization that near and dear to you because nothing in this world makes you feel better than helping someone else who has it worse than you. Ok, I'll get off of my soapbox now, but if you ever need to talk, feel free to pm me! I hope you do something good for yourself today!

Harvey, how are you doing?

I'm alright. Just trying to deal. A friend of mine was in town this weekend and we went out Saturday night. It was a pretty good time. I told him about the divorce, but not the particulars obviously. I am feeling a little bit better this week so far.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know its uphill, and it will take a bit of time but if you concentrate on the small steps you'll get out of that low place that you've been stuck in. I'm glad that you had a good time on saturday and that you're feeling a little bit better this week.

Much love and virtual hugs,

Suzanne (and the rest of your cheering section here on the site)

Harvey, just to let you know, I am in the same boat as you. I have been going through the same thing for the last 2 1/2 years. My divorce will be final at the end of the month. All of the feelings that you describe are ones that I felt at one point in time and still do from time to time. I would say it is all part of the process. Since I kept the house, it is definitely difficult coming home to the pure quiet, but I have to admit, the quiet sometimes isn't bad. It takes time and a lot of patience with yourself to get through this. I was so miserable for so long that I finally said "f@&k it, I am going to be happy". I gradually got back into life and have dated a few women over the last year. Some good and some bad. I won't lie, the dating scene can be brutal sometimes. But am I happier than when I was married...absolutely. It is definitely still a work in progress for me. Keeping busy and getting involved in other activities has definitely helped me as well. I have found that keeps my mind off of things so you don't sit around at home and dwell on them. That is when the depression can get its grip and spiral out of control. Just stay positive and things will work out for the best. I remind myself of that every day.